"look it's peaches geldof"

not long after arriving in london

while trying not to get raped on brick lane in shoreditch around midnight

standing at or around the east end's infamous (perhaps even notorious, if you will) bagel shop

waiting

absolute fear consuming me

some fooligan (foolish hooligan)

had the audacity

to mistake me

for peaches geldof

i was shocked, awed, disgusted, embarrassed, ashamed, lost for words (let alone adjectives) to say the least

then

adding insult to injury

it happened again

(different night, same place)

and again

(different place, different night)

and once again

(same night, different place through)

it's not that i don't like the girl

i don't know her, and thus will not presume to like/dislike (god forbid, hate) her

i only know as much as i've witnessed at parties, read in tabloids, heard from mutual acquaintances (inside sources, if you will again) - just like the rest of us

i do, however, feel that marrying a musician at 19 then divorcing him no more than 6 months later isn't entirely kosher in most circles, even according to the cool kids

and i do, however, find myself resenting anyone who would suggest we look similar or related, purely on the basis that this suggestion is being made based on the junkie'esque images of peaches one would typically and most commonly attribute to trashy gossip magazines

note that i'm not saying she's ugly or fat or retarded, i'd just rather not be likened to her and all the shit she's associated with and attached to in the media, given that your average english joe would know squat about peaches aside from what they would be exposed to in such publications i.e. bad press

so

in conclusion

i'm not peaches geldof

i don't want to be likened to peaches geldof

i don't take being likened to peaches geldof as a compliment

although i'm wealthy - like peaches - i'm not a celebutant socialbrat - unlike peaches

as a mutual friend of mine and hers reassured me upon noting my horror (possibly even terror) at these repeated comparisons, although conceding that i VERY SLIGHTLY resemble peaches, he ultimately declared that WITHOUT DOUBT NOT AT ALL PEACHES'ESQUE i've got a sensible day job, which will lead to a respectable career in the future, and no physical evidence of track marks anywhere on my body (even in places now concealed by tattoos and piercings)

therefore

i would ask

that everyone please refrain

principally

from comparing me

in any way, shape, form etc

to peaches geldof

thanking you most kindly

x x x x

(p.s. i'm sorry peaches if you ever happen to find this post and it does indeed offend you, don't take it personally, it seriously is a "me thing" okay? okay! bye x x x x)